by Liz Braden (follow)

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If you think you're doing a lousy job, that's probably the best indicator that you're actually doing just fine!

I’m no different to any other mother; I second-guess myself, I doubt myself, and I wonder constantly if I’m doing a good enough job.

It’s a common concern for any mother, whether you have a newborn or whether your children are all grown up (or anywhere in between): “Am I doing my best?”.


The following signs will be particularly relevant if you have other factors to deal with such as a family breakup, postnatal depression, financial stress…

1. Your children know who you are.

Your child may cry incessantly, your child may tell you they hate you, your child may throw tantrums… but do they respond to you?

In between the tears, do they relax when you hug them? Do they smile when you talk to them? Do they look your way when they hear your voice?

If your child responds to you, if they recognise you as their mother – you’re doing a good job.

2. They’re happy to see you.

You may have had the worst night ever with your child, and they may have cried non-stop, but do they seem happy to see you when they wake up in the morning?

Your child may have thrown the biggest tantrum in the shop because they didn’t get what they want, but if they get separated from you – are they happy when you find them?

Your child may have acted embarrassed because you kissed them on the forehead when you dropped them off at school, but do they hug you at night before they go to bed?

If your child seems happy to see you, you’re doing a good job.

3. Do you make time for your child?

Do you make room in your schedule to spend quality time with your child regularly? Do you put tasks aside in order to make time for your children? Are there dishes on the sink because you chose to read a bedtime story to your child instead? Is the washing piling up because you chose to take your child to the park? Is your child comfortable with talking to you about what bothers them? Do they bring their artwork to you with pride?

If so, you’re doing a good job.

4. Your child is healthy.

This point refers to neurotypical and physically-typical children. If your child is not typical, your health professional can help you to assess their development and progress.

Is your child reaching their milestones according to their potential? Are they putting on weight and growing? Are they interested in trying new things? Are they confident?

If your child is growing well both physically and mentally, then you’re doing a good job.

5. You feel like you’re doing a lousy job.

If you care enough to worry about whether you’re doing a good enough job, then you’re doing a good job. You care. You’re going to make mistakes and you won’t get everything right, but you’re doing your best and you’re thinking about the wellbeing of your child.

Parenting is the hardest job anyone can do, and it doesn’t come with a manual. It’s made harder because no two children are the same and each child has their own needs and wants and challenges, and there are so many different ways to address those needs and wants and challenges, and they change along the way anyway.

If you think you’re doing a lousy job, that’s probably the best indicator that you’re actually doing just fine!

Be kind to yourself.

Read 15 Tell-Tale Signs You're a Mum
Read 20 Things I've Learnt Since Becoming A Mum
Read 10 Things I Felt Gratitude For As A First Time Mother
Read The Very Best Things About Being A Mum
Read Single Mother: Did I Make The Right Choice
Read Top 10 Tips For New Mothers
Read It's Okay To Need A Break
Read How I’m Learning To Be Perfectly Imperfect

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