Raising a child is a delicate balance of care and patience, and bedtime is no exception. But, did you know that you also manage to fit in some nice relaxing yoga every time you put your little one to bed, without even realising it?
Allow me to explain...
The dancing bear You very slowly, very carefully, cradle your child in your arms, maybe singing softly to them, with one eye on the hopefully-still-hot coffee in the kitchen.
The sunbathing seal Itís been an hour and heís not going to sleep, heís still crying, so you lay on the bed and place him in the most comfortable position. For him. With your head pressed hard against the headboard and your back dangerously close to the edge so that heís in the middle, you look more like a seal than a sleep-deprived parent.
The dazed deer Heís finally asleep and now you need to think about transferring him to his own bed, so you slide your arm out from under his head and reverse-slide off the edge of the bed like a drunken snake so that you donít wake him. Halfway down he stirs and you freeze, one leg on the floor and the other still on the bed, terrified to move until his breathing regulates again. You can almost hear the sound of the heat leaving your coffee in the kitchen.
The creeping sloth Moving with a stealth that would make a souffle chef proud, you gather your sleeping child into your arms. Ever so slowly, and stepping carefully, you make your way into his bedroom. You pass the kitchen and canít help but notice that there is no longer any steam leaving your coffee. Moving with the grace of Fred Astaire, you make it into the bedroom with little more than a sigh from your little one.
The lounging lizard Looking more like a chameleon than a human, you lower your child into his bed, then rise slightly as he stirs, then lower, then rise, getting closer to the bedding surface with each attempt. After several minutes of back and forth, you finally get him laid down, pull up the covers, and kiss his forehead. At this moment you feel nothing but love for your sleeping child.
The stealthy ninja It took hours but finally he is asleep in his own bed. The challenge now is to exit the room without hitting any of the creaky floorboards. One step, two steps, the exit is in sightÖ
The dazed flamingo Oh crap, you hit that squeaky floorboard by the door! Every muscle in your body tenses, one leg still in the air, as you carefully crane your neck back to see if he woke up. Will you have to repeat all of the above steps again? Please oh please still be asleep!
The relieved panda He stayed asleep and you made a successful exit, and now youíre back in the kitchen. You sit down and pick up your coffee cup, and at this point it tastes so good that you donít even care any more that itís cold. Itís coffee.