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How To Parent Badly

by Liz Braden (follow)
Motherhood - The most challenging and yet the most rewarding "job" you'll ever do...
Fun Motherhood Lists (34)     
Sick of all the sanctimommies silently (and not so silently) judging the way you raise your child? Here are some tips on how to say “meh, I’ll parent MY way!”

Note: No children will be harmed in the writing of this article, but there will be a sanctimommy somewhere who claims they will.

1. Playtime
Tired of paying out for expensive pieces of scrunched up paper? This is the tip for you. Place your DVD collection on a low shelf and see how long it takes for your child to surround himself. Place them back on the shelf and repeat for hours of endless fun that is not frustrating at all.

2. Feedtime
Tired of making healthy, nutritious, and tasty meals only to have to spend time making them into puree? Slave no more! Allow your child to “help” you by putting the items into a plastic container and allowing your child to shake it into a puree themselves. It doesn’t work, but they have fun “helping”.

3. Naptime
Tired of the nap time struggle? Easy. Let your kid stay awake until he’s hit by a nap-attack, and then have a coffee to help you through the inevitable wake-up that will follow in 20 minutes or so.

4. Mealtimes
This one is actually surprisingly easy. Cook your meal in advance and leave it to go cold (since we all know it’s going to anyway). Feed Bub. Play with Bub and then set the TV to something child-appropriate that will hold their attention for about half an hour (toys help). Heat your meal and enjoy while sitting somewhere out of Bub’s sight so he doesn’t realise that Mummy is eating something while it’s hot.

5. Washing
Does your child seem to go through a new outfit every 20 minutes or so? No drama, just let them run around in their nappy. They’ll love the freedom and you’ll love the spare time. I’m kidding, what parent has spare time? We both know you're going to do some other chore instead.

6. Teething
Tired of spending a small fortune on teething rusks? $3 will buy you a wooden spoon that they can gnaw on. Add an old saucepan and the spoon can double as a toy. Pro tip: Earmuffs cost approximately $10.

7. Romantic Time
Want some *ahem* “quiet time” with your partner without your kids walking in? Yeah, I haven’t worked this one out yet either…

#Fun Motherhood Lists

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