A miscarriage is one of the hardest experiences that a woman has to go through in her life. All too common, with 1 in 4 pregnancies ending in miscarriage, it can be so hard to know what to do or say when someone close to you goes through it.
Everyone feels differently, there is no right or wrong way to feel if you have had a miscarriage. As someone who has both experienced miscarriage and also supported close friends who have, I know first hand just how difficult it is to find the right words or way to support someone in their grief.
After speaking to friends, this is some of the ways that they have said helped them through the difficult times.
Listen and Be There
If a friend has shared with you that they have experienced a miscarriage, be there for them. Listen to them and ask them what they need. Don't offer unsolicited advice or minimise their feelings, instead be kind, patient and loving.
Give Them Time to Heal
Everyone grieves differently and for different periods. Check back in regularly and continue offering support, even after the first few days/weeks.
Offer to Help
If your friend has other children or a stressful life, offer to help. You can take their children out for a playdate, drop off a meal or bring them a coffee. Also check in with their partner if you are close enough, or ask your friend how their partner or children are coping. They have also experienced a loss.
Send a Gift
If you struggle to find the right words, or you cannot physically be there for your friend, flowers or a plant is a lovely gesture to show that you care. I personally loved receiving flowers as it showed there were people who really cared. And the plant that my partner bought me and we planted in our garden, is a constant memory of the baby that we lost and I find it a great support.
Seek Professional Help
If you feel that your friend is really struggling and may need more support, there are support services out there that they can reach out to that they may not know about.
Sands is an incredible organisation with professional support available 24/7. They also have a wonderful link on their website with information specifically about how you can support someone who has had a miscarriage. You can find this form Words Matter here.