I always pictured myself as a mum of girls but now I have 2 boys and I wouldn't change a thing.
Growing up I was the youngest child in my family and the only girl, with 2 older brothers. I was absolutely doted upon and I had a very close relationship with my mum. I always pictured myself having the same relationship with my own daughter one day.
My experience with my nephews, and from what I had heard from other mothers, was that boys were very loud, harder to control and didn't want to know you after a certain age. I thought I would just be a better mum to a girl.
So when I fell pregnant with my first child, I was convinced that it would be a girl. When the doctor revealed the gender to me at one of my appointments, I was shocked when she said I was having a boy.
I will admit, I was disappointed. I felt terribly guilty about this too. I tried to be excited and I told everyone how happy I was to be having a boy because 'boys just love their mummies!' But it didn't matter how hard I tried to convince myself, my dreams of having a baby girl all swaddled in pink were gone.
Of course the moment my son was born, that all changed. All thoughts of a girl completely left my mind when I cuddled him in my arms.
Fast forward to my second pregnancy and I was once again convinced, this time I was going to have a girl, because my older brothers had one girl and one boy each. It obviously ran in the family. But once again, I was told by the doctor that I was having a boy.
Once again I was disappointed, and my disappointment was just one part of what was a difficult pregnancy, after having experienced a miscarriage and early pregnancy complications.
I still really wanted a little girl to make my family 'complete' but again when my second son was born, I loved him every bit as much as my first. I love being a "boy mum", and how affectionate, mischievous and just plain adorable my boys are.
Gender disappointment is not uncommon. I have many friends who have expressed quiet sadness at having yet another girl, or that their partner is upset that they didn't get the son they dreamed of.
I know now that it is okay to be disappointed. That disappointment does not make the love I have for my sons any less strong.
A close friend of mine has three boys. She loves them all beyond reason but...she still has a drawer full of pink clothes that she can't bear to part with, on the off chance that one day she will have the girl she always thought she would.
I have to admit that even though my hands are full, and our house is definitely full, I have the same feeling of possibility about the future, and can see myself trying for another baby down the track, even though I thought I only ever wanted 2 children.
But does this secret desire to have another baby have anything to do with trying for a girl? I can honestly say no, not anymore. Watching my 2 sons grow, I know now that the joys of having boys is every bit as amazing as the joys of having girls. Each child is absolutely unique anyway, regardless of gender, and any future kids that come along will be anything but a disappointment.