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The 'M' Word

by Liz Braden (follow)
Motherhood - The most challenging and yet the most rewarding "job" you'll ever do...
Your Stories (100)      Pregnancy (31)      Grief (5)     
There is a taboo about the ‘M’ word. People try to avoid it, or they downplay it, or they just pretend they didn’t hear it.

People don’t want to read articles like this that focus on the ‘M’ word because they don’t want to think about it. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage but it’s not okay to talk about it because it’s “negativity”.

Sad woman

The reality is that the ‘M’ word is a reality for 1 in 4 of us and we need to talk about it. We need to be allowed to talk about it. We need to be allowed to feel pain when someone talks about their healthy pregnancy when we lost ours.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Month and October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

No, my lost baby did not get her “angel wings”. She died. You can try to pretty it up if that helps you sleep at night but my baby died and I carried her inside for two weeks without knowing she was dead that whole time. At eight week’s gestation there was a heartbeat, and at 10 weeks there was none.

My baby died, and I’m allowed to cry about that even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

I carried the pain inside for 17 years after I lost Michael to miscarriage because I was not allowed to talk about him. I healed because I carried Little C to term. Now I’m dealing with loss again and it’s still fresh and I’ll be damned if I’m going to lose another 17 years to grief just because my grief makes you uncomfortable.

I miscarried on September 9, 2018, and it is not the ‘M’ word. It is the loss of a child that we wanted and were excited about.

So this October, stop hiding from the ‘M’ word and pay attention. 1 in 4 is a lot; chances are you know somebody who has experienced a loss even if you didn’t know they were pregnant. Be that person who allows them to talk about it.

And stop it being the ‘M’ word, as if it is something to hide.

SANDS.ORG.AU - Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day info

Read How Miscarriage Taught Me I'm A Mother
Read What Not To Say To Grieving Parents
Read Coping With Stillbirth: An Aunty's Perspective

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