We are a new start up company. Current staff consists of myself ‘Mum’ (Chief Operations Officer, Head of Laundry Services, Wardrobe Mistress, Wiper of Bums, Kisser of Invisible Injuries, Singer of Endless Songs) and my business partner ‘Dad’ (Chief Financial Officer, Chef, Swimming Coach, Driver, Court Jester, Tickler of Tummies).
We are not entirely sure what we are doing, but we have had moderate success with running for two years now without burning the house down / killing each other / going bankrupt.
However, I have become aware of a significant skill shortfall in my otherwise incredibly skilled and able business partner.
About the Role:
For approximately 10 days per annum when the dreaded sick bug lands upon us, I require a ‘Sick Day Dad’. Must be available days, nights, weekends. The successful applicant will be required to take shifts with myself.
Must be able to comfort a vomiting child without using them as some sort of spray gun. Thereby coating every, impossible to wash, soft furnishing whilst avoiding getting even a microscopic amount on themselves, whenever the unfortunate vomit appears.
Must be able to comfort said child
Must be able to wash said child and re clothe them in clean clothes
The above tasks must be performed without gagging, dramatic wrenching or themselves vomitting.
Ideally would be comfortable sorting and washing resulting soiled laundry into baskets without gagging or vomiting, and without the use of full haz-mat gear.
Ideally makes a fantastic cup of tea and furnishes me with one hourly until 5pm when this switches to a G&T with ice and a slice.
The pay is dire and there is no break or holiday. Training is not provided and you will be expected to learn on the job. Colleagues are at best, civil and children in your care may range from adorable to borderline psychotic at the slightest of provocations.